|"You blow my head open. Of one thing I'm sure...
I do my best for you I do"
Friday, April 08, 2005
I had a hard time writing yesterday's post. I know... I know... I didn't write much. And I struggled with that. I must have written and re-written is five times. But instead, I decided just to leave it alone. I know what yesterday was. It's a very significant day in my adult-life... last night I didn't really feel like I needed to expand further.
But you know what? Now I feel like I do... Now I feel like ranting.
I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of the drama. I'm sick of the immaturity. I'm sick of the "ooh... you did this to my firend, so we're not friends." UGH! Honestly?! It's stupid. It's annoying. I don't have time for it. But I need to spend five minutes and get this shit out of my system so I can be done with it. DONE I SAY! DONE!
I'm the queen of "the more the merrier." I can always use more friends. In fact, I LOVE making new friends. I love learning about what makes people tick... about their passions... about what gets them out of bed in the morning. I love the friendships that I have, and I love making room for new friends. ~Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold!~
But what I don't need? Are friends who don't act like friends. Are friends who don't treat me like a friend, especially when I'm treating them like one. Are friends who thrive on creating drama. Are friends who love to spout their effing holier-than-thou opinions about situations that they only know half of. What did I EVER do to you?! I mean really? You know the answer... The only thing I ever do to you was try to get to you know you, and try to be your friend. But you wouldn't have that.
I am far from perfect. I've done so many things wrong in my life that I stopped counting. The important thing, though, is that I've learned from those situations, and have grown, and have matured. I do my best not to repeat the same misstep... UGH... I'm totally rolling my eyes right now... This is just so STUPID!
For all of the good,the amazing, the wonderful that has come out of the last two years, there has been so much that I could totally do without.
And yeah, I'm fired up right now. I've been bottling the fire for a while... and now it's time to bitch about it. But believe you me, once this post is done, it's done. Over.
When I was little, my dad used to tell say that all I needed to do was, "just be you!" And if people didn't like me for that, well, they weren't people I wanted as friends. But that is a hard thing to come to grips with. Yet when you get to the point where I'm at right now, you realize that it's just not worth it. Not worth it at all.
Can I be civil? Of course. Can I be cordial? You better believe it. I'm nice by nature. I care by nature. And I'm SO not going to go out of my way to be mean to you. It's not worth it. Will I go out of my way for you at all? Nope. Sorry. I do that for my friends... probably too much... and you are not one of them. And I'm guessing that we will encounter each other again. Will it be weird? Yes. 'Cause you will make it weird. Because you don't have the maturity level to understand that you don't always get your way. Sorry... that's called life. It's called being an adult...
I am sorry that it turned out this way... especially since I was nothing but nice to you, and wanted nothing but for us to be able to develop a friendship. I wish you the best in what you do. I'm done.
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