Morning thoughts...
I'm walking to the subway this morning and I see a little boy waiting for his ride to come. He's holding a shoebox... a diorama. It was so cute, and made me think of the diorama that I made for a book report on Charlotte's Web when I was in elementary school. ;) I made a little pink pig out of playdough and a little spider spinning a web out of thread. So cute. I think I got a 100%. I was so proud.

Dinner last night with Erin was awesome! Spending time with her is such a great recharge. ;) It makes me sad that we don't get together that much, but hopefully when work calms down, that will change.

I did finally have my meeting with the head of our group. I basically learned that with our group's reorganization, I'm going to be placed (again) with the crazy-lady*... but I'm going to have my own population to manage. That's good, I guess... I'm doing my best not to count things out before I even try them. I didn't get a very good vibe from her, though. Was she trying to manage my expectations that my salary increase and bonus are going to suck? Maybe... I don't know. I'm not optimistic, though... and that's going to be a MAJOR derailer. I can tell you that much.

I really can't spend too much time thinking about it, even though I can't get it out of my head. My eyes welled up with tears on the train this morning, and I could barely focus on my game of Bejeweled. (I'm sorry... even I'm laughing at that comment)... But seriously, I've got to figure out a way to cope... I've got to. The hard part is coming to grips with the idea that I might not fit in here. That this job might not be the right one for me. And that I might not be suited for this environment. That sucks... 'cause I don't like to think of myself as a failure. (I could tell, though, that the head of our group doesn't think that I'm doing a good job... she doesn't hide her feelings very well).

Miserable... just miserable.

* My crazy co-worker is nuts... but she is a very nice woman. When we talk about non-work-related things, she's totally cool. She's just a little difficult to work with. When I get her focused... we're totally cool and I learn a lot. It's just one of the most difficult work-environments that I've ever had.